An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.
A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.
“What was the name of the Instructor?” asked the neighbor.
“Oh, ummmm, let’s see,” the old man pondered. “You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what’s that flower’s name?”
“A rose?” asked the neighbor.
“Yes, that’s it,” replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, “Hey, Rose, what’s the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?”
Man: Father, during the war, a beautiful young lady asked me to hide her from the enemy, so I hid her in the attic.
Father: That’s a very good gesture, you need not confess.
Man: But as the days went, she repaid me with daily sexual favors.
Father: That is still forgiven my son.
Man: But I have another question.
Father: What is it my son?
Man: Shall I tell her the war is over?
Three contractors . . . one from India, another from Germany and the third from England are bidding to repair the White House fence. A senior White House official takes them to examine it.
The English contractor : takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works on some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says. “I figure the job will cost $900 . . . $400 for materials, $400 for labour and $100 profit for me.”
The German contractor : also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700 . . . $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
(more…)
A man sees another leaning against the wall of a large building. The second man is puffing away, one cigarette after another.
The nonsmoker says, “Sir, I couldn`t help noticing how you chain smoke. How many packs do you smoke a day?”
“Four.”
“How long have you been smoking?”
“Thirty years.”
“That`s over six thousand packs. If you didn`t smoke, you could have saved enough money to buy this building.”
The smoker takes a deep puff and says, “Do you smoke?”
“Never.”
“Do you own this building?”
“No.”
“Well, I do.”
How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?
One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary !!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing$ mo$t de $perately. I think you $hould be under $tanding of the need$ of your worker$ who have given $ o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company .
I am $ure you will gue $$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
$ incerely Your$,
Marian $hih
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
The next day, the employee received a nice reply like this :
(more…)
a boy asks his father the ‘it’ question
“daddy, i know that baby comes from mommy’s tummy, but how can he get there in the first place?”
his fathers gapes, thinking hard for proper reason and explanation. seeing his father’s anxiety, the kid utters in disgust
“it’s okay if you don’t know the answer, daddy, you don’t have to lie”
One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here.”
The astonished Chinese man replied “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese”.
“Chinese, Japanese,Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.
“Shocked, Spielberg replies “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.
” The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same.”
Smart Ass Answer #3
It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
“Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
“What are my choices?” John asked.
“Yes or no,” she replied.
Smart Ass Answer #2
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.
The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
(more…)
A women asks man who is traveling with six children,
“Are all these kids yours??”
The man replies, ” No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer
complaints”.
Man comes home , finds his wife with his friend in bed . He shoots his
friend and kills him.
Wife says “If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends”
